PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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