My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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