hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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