How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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