Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you traded sex for a burrito?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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