This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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