so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
