im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
