Need sex. Gaining weight.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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