I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
