Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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