either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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