You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
