I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize