Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
