will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
