Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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