Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dear god my vagina.
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