Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
