? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize