make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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