Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
