have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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