What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize