I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
