this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
