How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
