thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
