Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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