My friends, they love my intelligence
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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