I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize