Fine. I'll sleep in my office
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
