he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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