Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
