i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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