Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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