i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
