please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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