I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
