We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
