Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
