Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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