In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
