My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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