don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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