I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
