i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
