Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We need to get me chipped asap
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize