Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize