His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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