Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
