he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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