Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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