Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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