plz talk dirty to me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
