also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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