Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i dont even know how to be here
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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