So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
These tits shall not be calmed
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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