is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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