did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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