Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
