Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
