If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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