so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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