ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
