lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
