They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
