I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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