Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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