cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
