6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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