I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
