AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
