Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
